September 2010
3 posts
Hi Kathryn!
This is the Herpes Hotline
Dear Mr. Sherman,
I am sending this message to confirm your upcoming appointment with the venerable Dr. Ilana-John Mercedes Ginger Chastity-Breen. Please contact the offices to either verify or reschedule your 5: 00 pm Herpes Hotline appointment tomorrow, Tuesday September 7. Your health and sexual safety is important to us, and we assure you that our patients' erotic well-being is our highest priority.
Thank you,
The Offices of Dr. Ilana-John Mercedes Ginger Chastity-Breen, MD, PhD, ACDC, FRBC, PCP, LSD, MGMT.
Please arrive at your appointment prepared for an orgasmic oatmeal bath with our confidential and professional secretarial staff.
Erik Sherman: i honestly can not wait for 5pm tomorrow. screw my first day of classes, the only reason i'm waking up tomorrow is to finally see the doctor in person.
Accounting Secretary Kathryn: And to cure that raging case of herpes you have, you strawberry.
Dr. Ilana-J M G C-Breen also wished to inform you that fuzzy slippers and herpes-scented condoms will follow the aforementioned appointment.
9 hours ago · Like
Erik Sherman: do i need to bring anything with me to the appointment? does the doctor accept insurance?
Accounting Secretary Kathryn: The good doctor does not accept insurance, you cheap skate. Please provide credit card information, your Social Security number, and chocolate curry.
The doctor's accounting staff will charge your account appropriately for the services provided, to be disclosed to you on another date.
Please do not forget to bring a towel and a breast pump for the aforementioned oatmeal bath with our highly trained Russian secretary, Mr. Alexis Vega.
Erik Sherman: i'm so excited, i'd come over there right now, but i'm already in my pajamas.
does the good doctor prefer any specific type of chocolate curry?
Dear Mr. Sherman,
I am sending this message to confirm your upcoming appointment with the venerable Dr. Ilana-John Mercedes Ginger Chastity-Breen. Please contact the offices to either verify or reschedule your 5: 00 pm Herpes Hotline appointment tomorrow, Tuesday September 7. Your health and sexual safety is important to us, and we assure you that our patients' erotic well-being is our highest priority.
Thank you,
The Offices of Dr. Ilana-John Mercedes Ginger Chastity-Breen, MD, PhD, ACDC, FRBC, PCP, LSD, MGMT.
Please arrive at your appointment prepared for an orgasmic oatmeal bath with our confidential and professional secretarial staff.
Erik Sherman: i honestly can not wait for 5pm tomorrow. screw my first day of classes, the only reason i'm waking up tomorrow is to finally see the doctor in person.
Accounting Secretary Kathryn: And to cure that raging case of herpes you have, you strawberry.
Dr. Ilana-J M G C-Breen also wished to inform you that fuzzy slippers and herpes-scented condoms will follow the aforementioned appointment.
9 hours ago · Like
Erik Sherman: do i need to bring anything with me to the appointment? does the doctor accept insurance?
Zee dochtor: Yez. Vhat iz your IM, okay? Zhis iz zee dochtor.
Erik Sherman: oh wow. i didn't know that the doctor was on accessible on the internet. we should make you your own facebook, doctor.
i am looking forward to my appointment tomorrow.
and fyi its kinda strange that you spell the way you speak. just saying. might wanna get that checked out.
Accounting Secretary Kathryn: This is Dr. Ilana's secretarial staff. Please provide chocolate curry in edible aluminum packaging, and you must gift wrap it accordingly.
The gift wrapping paper should be covered with naked children, under age five.
Thank you. This concludes our correspondence.
Zee dochtor: Zhis iz zee dochtor. Van you pleaze ztyle your hair like a vagina?
Erik Sherman: wait just to be sure-- should the gift wrapping paper have images of naked children under age five, or actual, tangible children. i wouldn't want to be rude and show up with unsatisfactory gifts.
i could try to i guess.....
Zee dochtor: Zhis iz zee dochtor. Zee vay I zpeak iz appropriate. Pleaze check yourzelf.
Accounting Secretary Kathryn: The gift wrap should include actual children.
Clerical Secretary Alexis: The good doctor would also appreciate it if you would pick up your fucking phone.
Erik Sherman: woah no need to get snippy, "dochtor". any reason why every time you speak you feel the need to say "zhis iz zee dochtor"?
and thank you for the specification on the type of gift wrap.
Zee dochtor: Zhis iz zee dochtor. What the fuck?
Erik Sherman: wow. the "dochtor" is kind of a dick. not really too keen on the doctor-patient relationship i see.
how much time does the dochtor have that she can just call people and leave messages that say "Zhis iz zee dochtor. goodbye"?
Clerical Secretary Alexis: The doctor is very serious about the patient-doctor relationship. He/she cannot be blamed for your Anti-social personality disorder and mental issues.
Erik Sherman: i don't even know if i'm comfortable coming to see zee dochtor now. i might just go somewhere else.....
Clerical Secretary Alexis: You are coming to see the doctor. The secretarial staff would like to get dinner afterward.